I’ve finally concocted a grand unified theory of lousy PR. Hopefully this will streamline the process of submitting things to the Download Squad tip box. Please use this form from now on.
Dear sir/maddam,
I’m writing to let you know about our
[x]incredibly boring
[ ]poorly conceived
[ ]misguided
[ ]useless
[ ]already done
product available
[ ]on the web
[ ]as a download
[x]via paid subscription
Our
[x]product
[ ]service
makes
[ ]Windows
[ ]Linux
[ ]The web
[ ]Facebook
[ ]Twitter
[x]Other
[ ]more useful
[x]less time consuming
[ ]easier to navigate
while also
[x]lowering total cost of ownership
[x]keeping your records in the cloud
Our clickwrap agreement is:
[x]complex
[ ]thick
[x]full of things you’d never agree to if you actually read it
only requiring your:
[ ] complete and total submission
[x] waiver of any rights to your own data
[x] first born child
We appreciate your time and consideration. Please contact:
[x] Our poorly paid and under-trained PR flack
[ ] Our expensive PR company
[x] Myself
[ ] No contact details provided
with any questions.
Sincerely,
[ ] CEO in title only
[ ] Eastern European programmer with lackluster English skills
[ ] The comic book guy
[x] Anonymous tipster who is actually a company representative
by Eric
On March 24, 2008 at 8:42 pm
I simply DROOLED all over this. So tasty, and sadly real.
by Christina
On March 25, 2008 at 9:21 am
Excellent. With just a little jigging, this will work perfectly for beauty PR too.
by Laura Beck
On March 28, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Grant, you made all your friends at PN Austin laugh out loud at this, it even made our internal blog!
Well done! Come back and visit again soon.
by Grant Robertson
On March 29, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Rock! Thanks ya’ll. You’ve gotta release the tension somehow, and it’d be inappropriate to respond to a press release with a rewritten version to which I might have paid attention.
By the way, the PN Austin team rocks. I deal with a lot of PR people and, you guys always do it right. If I were on the other side of the fence and seeking PR representation, you’d easily be my choice.. Shh. I probably shouldn’t say that.
by Lee Mathews
On February 17, 2009 at 6:32 pm
Nice work Grant, but shouldn’t this be done in Ajax with some shiny, reflected header images?
by Nik
On February 17, 2009 at 6:59 pm
Dude. Wait. Where’s the API so I can build the mashup? ^_^
by Mikhail
On February 17, 2009 at 10:46 pm
In Soviet Russia, public relations you!
No, that didn’t work.