Grant Robertson · new media superhero

I’ve finally concocted a grand unified theory of lousy PR. Hopefully this will streamline the process of submitting things to the Download Squad tip box. Please use this form from now on.

Dear sir/maddam,

I’m writing to let you know about our

[x]incredibly boring
[ ]poorly conceived
[ ]misguided
[ ]useless
[ ]already done

product available

[ ]on the web
[ ]as a download
[x]via paid subscription

Our

[x]product
[ ]service

makes

[ ]Windows
[ ]Linux
[ ]The web
[ ]Facebook
[ ]Twitter
[x]Other

[ ]more useful
[x]less time consuming
[ ]easier to navigate

while also

[x]lowering total cost of ownership
[x]keeping your records in the cloud

Our clickwrap agreement is:

[x]complex
[ ]thick
[x]full of things you’d never agree to if you actually read it

only requiring your:

[ ] complete and total submission
[x] waiver of any rights to your own data
[x] first born child

We appreciate your time and consideration. Please contact:

[x] Our poorly paid and under-trained PR flack
[ ] Our expensive PR company
[x] Myself
[ ] No contact details provided

with any questions.

Sincerely,

[ ] CEO in title only
[ ] Eastern European programmer with lackluster English skills
[ ] The comic book guy
[x] Anonymous tipster who is actually a company representative